Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the day we have been waiting for since we found out we were having a baby, ultrasound day! After that we can put to rest the "is it a boy or a girl" debate that has been going on for months. The children are convinced it is a girl, running with the logic that it would only be fair. I have spent weeks now doing my very best parenting in explaining to them that fair, and odds, and what we NEED to make our family more even might not be what our Heavenly Father has planned for us. All my stories and efforts to prepare them have fallen on deaf ears. As I was again explaining to Kai this morning that this baby could in fact be a boy he just walked down the stairs saying, "GIRL" over and over getting louder and louder as he went down.

The time to prepare them is nearly over and we are no closer to an understanding that there is no guarantee in this. For me, I don't want them to be disappointed or sad. Mostly I worry about Olivia.

When we were pregnant with Luke I was sure that he was girl. I thought it would be so much fun to have the children at the ultrasound so we could all jump for joy and celebrate that Olivia would at last have a sister, an announcement and celebration that never came. Instead tears, and then embarrassment over the tears that brought, even more tears. She obviously got over it and has been head over heels in love with Luke since the second she saw him, but that day and the pain on her face is crystal clear in my mind. And I did that to her.

So that made twice now I wanted and was sure a baby was one sex, only to be wrong. What I have learned is that Heavenly Father never gets it wrong. We needed an Olivia and we didn't even know it. Deployments were looming in our future and a helper/second mommy is what we needed more then anything, not a boy for Ethan since they would be so close in age. My logic. A blessing I am still thanking my Heavenly Father for.

I have grown, changed and learned more then I ever thought I would in something as simple as finding out the babies sex. I have learned to trust in the Lord and say "not my will, but thou will be done" in all aspects of my life. And not just say it, but mean it knowing His plan is greater then any that I could come up with. Although I don't want to have disappointed children tomorrow and I would of course love for Olivia to have a sister, I know that what ever color balloons come out of that box tomorrow it is what Heavenly Father has planned for our family.

I am excited. We have been so blessed.