Hard Things

Right after school Ethan dropped his backpack at the door and zipped outside, which has been a daily ritual since school started. Today however, he had traded in his football for a basketball. 5th grade basketball tryouts were tonight and he was unsure of what to expect. 

I followed him out to have him run a few drills and to grab rebounds for him. I was pleased with how much he has improved since last year. He's a much more confident dribbler, has a great lay up, and has greatly improved in the boxing out and rebounding arena. We practiced and talked. He's growing so quickly and my role as his mother is changing from micro manager to something else I don't fully recognize yet. It's uncharted territory, for both of us.

He left the house feeling confident and ready. I sent him off with a hug and some last words of encouragement.

When I picked him up he wasn't standing quite as tall as when he left the house. Although tryouts are 2 days long, he felt pretty certain that he was already on the chopping block. This time my sweet, loving words of encouragement weren't as appreciated. He was discouraged and I couldn't fix it.

After we got home I decided to talk to him one last time.

When I was a freshmen in High School I decided that I would tryout for the Volleyball team. Tryouts were 3 days long and were 9-12 graders. I felt like the worst player in the gymnasium (and I probably was). I never went to day 2 or 3 of tryouts, I never made or didn't make the team. I quit.

We talked about never giving up. We talked about going out tomorrow and still giving it his all regardless of the fact that in his mind its over.  We talked about the reality of not making the team. It was good and hard, just the way most things that are valuable seem to be in this life.

Being a mom to a 10 year old is hard, and makes my heart hurt.